A Broader Perspective
The first thing we need to do is broaden your perspective. There are at least 4,628 unique human traits or behaviors identified to date. New ones are being added regularly like “blogging” and “twittering.”
In nature each of these behaviors has helped one of us survive and so had a useful purpose at that moment. Each culture and each person in that culture gives a good or bad label to each behavior based on their value system at that moment. For example, behaviors like smoking cigarettes and eating meat are considered either good or bad based on who you talk to and where they live on our planet.
Smoking cigarettes was once promoted by the medical community for relaxation and stress management. It is because of eating meat that humans are able to live just about anywhere on our planet. At the same time we know both have been linked to cancer. So these were and are useful behaviors depending on who is judging them, their level of awareness and their personal value system.
But in nature each one is neither good or bad. Rather each is or has been useful at some point to someone. So you could say every behavior is neither good or bad or both good and bad. This is an important point because when you look at difficult behaviors and realize they are both or neither good or bad you are able to deal with them much more effectively.
Task # 1 – Identifying Your Big Three Annoying Behaviors
Because of your life experiences you have categorized each one of these 4,628 traits in a good or bad light. Your first task is to list three of the most annoying, frustrating, rude, disruptive or insensitive behaviors of the person(s) who motivated you to buy this tutorial. Task # 1 is to write the three behaviors or traits on a piece of paper. Place it beside you as you continue reading Dealing With Difficult People. They will be very useful.
Life’s Three Guarantees
There is a common saying there are only two guarantees in life…death and taxes. While it is probably true, it is incomplete. The most important one is missing. And that is evolving! Many people connect evolution to Charles Darwin. But, Louis Dollo is equally important to remember.
You are a part of our universe and so are constantly evolving in some way. It is also guaranteed! Louis Dollo, a Belgian biologist, discovered this law a long time ago. Most of us don’t know about it or just ignore it. Dollo’s Law states you cannot not evolve, you cannot not learn from your life’s experiences. It is guaranteed because it is wired into your body…you are a ‘perfect learning machine!’
I want to offer you another guarantee based on Dollo’s Law. I guarantee after you have read this tutorial you will be able to explain, to your own satisfaction, any difficult person’s behavior. I hope you are skeptical because that means you are thinking and curious, both great learning motivators.
Owning Your Genius
Look at your ‘writing’ hand, left or right. Do you realize, since you are a member of the human race, you have the same hand as everybody else, including Albert Einstein. Since you have the same hand you also have the same brain as Einstein. So you have the same capacity for genius as Einstein.
If you are doubtful check out Carolyn Abraham’s tutorial, Possessing Genius – The Bizarre Odyssey of Einstein’s Brain. She tells the story of Dr. Thomas Harvey who spent many years trying to prove Einstein’s brain was different. Dr. Harvey was unsuccessful. They have found nothing remarkable about Einstein’s brain from the rest of our species.
Genius is actually like beauty, always in the eye of the beholder. I have an auto mechanic who I think is a genius. The can just listen to my car and usually tell me what is not working. The is so skilled and practiced he displays “genius” in auto repair.
Albert Einstein never finished high school and was considered such a poor student he was asked to leave. Yet he is considered a genius by most people. So if genius is in the eye of the beholder like beauty, then do you ever wonder where your genius is hiding.
‘What if ’ questions are always about the future, the place where all our fear is located. But what if you also have a genius to develop and display to the world.
What if dealing with contrary people is one of the forms of your genius you are going to develop today. What if, you will never be quite the same after you finish section?
What if, you develop a renewed appreciation for yourself as a communicator from reading this tutorial? What if, you rediscover what a “communication genius” you are from this tutorial?
What does being a genius have to do with “Dealing With Difficult People”…well, just about everything! It takes creativity, openness and dedication to develop a genius in anything whether it is quantum physics or difficult people.
The Will to Live…
Are you aware you were born believing you are a genius? This is a fact! Every child is born with a genetically implanted belief they are a genius. In psychology it is often called “the will to live” or “the will to survive.” You were born believing you could be anything, do anything and have anything.
Much research across many disciplines supports this belief. It was this belief which motivated you to learn to roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, talk and so on. If you doubt its presence just ask any two year old if they can do something which you think is impossible for them. I once asked a three year old if she could, “be the boss of all of Canada?” “Yes!”, she replied immediately and with calm certainty.
here is one thing where I know you have genius, there is one thing which you know the most about… more than anyone else…you! You are a genius about you. No one knows you better than you. It is simply not possible. No one knows your dreams, goals, pains, pleasures, fantasies and aspirations.
The Three Most Insulting Words are…
The three most insulting words in any language are “I know you! ” Since no one can read your mind, no one can know you. You will share parts of you with a variety of people. But no one can really know where you have been, who you are now or where you are going next. It is the height of disrespect to suggest otherwise…even if it is well intentioned.
People can guess at these questions but only you will know. And, you are an evolving person, a moving target, constantly changing with your environment. In fact, your full time job in life is knowing you and monitoring your survival and evolution.
So Albert Einstein did not complete high school and yet has often been quoted on a variety of topics outside of physics. There is one related to Dealing with Difficult People.
You are or become those things which you repeatedly do.” Einstein. When you learn and practice Dealing With Difficult People your skills becomes a part of you.
Task # 2 – Tapping Your Genius
How many of you, like me, have had children at home?
How many of you, like me, were a child once? Just checking to see if you are still there!
How many of you, like me, had to almost die to learn how to live with difficult, annoying, frustrating people?
Now let’s tap your genius. Your life experience is a fountain of useful information for dealing with difficult people. Let’s begin with identifying the person from your past who was the most skilled communicator you have ever come across. This person was your “Best Communicator” for Dealing With Difficult People. It might have been a family member, a teacher, a friend, a neighbor or anyone very skilled in Dealing With Difficult People. Recall that person and write down their name.
Now I want you to identify the least skilled communicator you have ever met. This person is your “Worst Communicator” for Dealing With Difficult People. It also might have been a family member, a teacher, a friend, neighbor who was very unskilled in connecting with others. Write down their name as well.
These two memories are going to be a valuable learning resource. They are going to help you to prove to yourself you are a communication genius. They are going to show you have the answers to your questions about “Dealing With Difficult People.”
Now, let go to next section –The Old and New Psychology for Dealing With Difficult People. There we will give you a new perspective on dealing with difficult people.